That's because he only knows little tactics/techniques and other shallow things that anybody can know and only those things, and I know all of that and also how to read people, as well as every other thing a true player knows. He thinks it's about what you do, and I KNOW that it's about what you are.

I used to be exactly like that. I've always been somebody girls love and somebody people tell their life stories to at the bus stop. That's not a bad thing. If people seek you out and pay attention to you rather than vise versa, it means that they're drawn to you in one way or another. That's an advantage most people(including Destor) don't have, so they have to try to draw attention to themselves.

If girls are talking to you that much instead of you going up to them and initiating conversation then it means that they see you as somebody important, somebody who stands out and is different for whatever reason. That means that if you find another girl or just stop being available to them, you will stick out the same way that you did before.

What you have to do is start defining yourself, and defining your relationships rather than letting others do this. The reason Destor is against this is because he relies on others defining him as the people defining him buy the douchey bullshit he does and think it makes him what he tries so hard to come across as. Defining yourself and being in control of who you let into your life and your relationships with people is part of growing into a complete person and living your own life, something Destor will never do.

There are a few things you have to do: One- figure out what you are. Are you an athlete, a musician, an artist, a gamer, whatever category it is that you fall into. That's how people will see you if you put yourself out there.

Next, what is it that you like to do? What are your interests, hobbies, etc? What are ways you can put yourself out there through any of these hobbies?

Lastly, always put your best self out there, and that doesn't mean to lie or be fake like Destor. It means to always be your true self.

Of course, there's the physical/exterior things too but that's not until after you work on everything that isn't on the exterior.

Lastly, don't do anything for any reason other than to do it and don't say anything for any reason other than to say it. Don't let other people dictate what you say, what you do, or how you feel. Be in control of yourself first and foremost. No more extra shit, no more dwelling on things. Deal with what you can affect only. If a chick wants to fuck you, then great, and if she doesn't, then who cares? There's millions of others. Don't play their games and don't give yourself or make yourself available to any one until she earns it.

 

Actually, that's quite the level I'm on. I define myself, although I only define myself by a few things, mostly things that I am such as a man as I truly believe that defining yourself can limit yourself. By that, I mean that sometimes people who define themselves tend to believe that that's all they'll ever be and I know I still have some growing to do as we all do(no body's perfect). Back to your point, I also believe that the only thing I can control is me and, while I can't control others, I can control the level of contact I have with them so I only let certain people into my life.

The drawing attention thing is cool but the point I was trying to make is that they should stop complaining to me about the guys they're with when they chose that guy over me because they wanted a guy that was like me but chose the guy that was nothing like me. This is what you chose, he can't make you like him or he'd probably be arrested for rape.

Case in point, there's a woman that I love deeply but as a friend, she never even entertains anything else but the guys she's been with since we've known each other...I'd probably kick their asses. Not because they're dating her but because guys like that need their asses kicked. Also, the first time we met, I approached her but she shot me down but I can't complain as I have one of the best friends I've ever had from the experience and wouldn't trade her for anything even her punany. That's sweet, glorious gate to heaven.

 

I gotcha. What I mean though by define yourself is define the way people will see you before they get to know you. Everybody fits into a category. Like me, for example, I'm an athlete. That's only a small part of my complete self but it's "what" I am, ya get what I'm saying? It's good that you're in control of who you let into your life though.

I get exactly what you're saying. Thing is though, if you're not defining yourself the way I'm talking about, where people can see the real you without having to get to know you, then you can't blame them for going for the douche who's putting on a front and trying desperately to get attention from people. What girls(especially teenaged and early 20s girls) want first and foremost is a dude whose cock and body they crave and who can make them cum whenever. When fake ass dudes are doing nothing but trying to make themselves out to be exactly that, of course they'll go for them instead of the real thing because they don't see the real thing anywhere.

You hit the nail on the head. Those dudes need to get their asses kicked and if they had grown up somewhere "real" where words and actions have consequences that send you to the hospital or worse, they would have been humbled real quick. See, the thing you have to realize is that our society is still relatively young and still figuring things out as a whole. Hell, look at the shit they used to say in the 80s and even the 90s. It was, well... shit. Outside of "real" places like what I mentioned earlier, doucheyness is still rewarded. Most girls and even "women" don't know what a man is, let alone what a real man is or an alpha male, and don't even know the difference between an asshole/dick and a douche. All through school it's hammered into their heads that what matters is superficial shit and being popular and all of this other shit. The only way for them to see past that is to find a dude who is well-liked and has an identity and all of that other shit that douches have but is the real deal and not somebody putting on a front. Just do you. Really, what girls like that want most is something to talk about and to use for their own image purposes.

One piece of advice I can give you is to never ever approach a girl unless it's in a way where you're going to have her and that's it, and you can't do that until you're there. You need to just "be" and let them come to you. Don't even pay them any attention except to look them up and down and decide whether you'd fuck them or not. The only way to do this though is if you do what I was talking about and put yourself out there and define yourself.

It's good that you got a true friend out of it though.

 

once your in the friend stage bro your chances are pretty much fucked and more to the point that yous have tried to make it work but yous are still friends means that, * she just wants to be friends *

 

this is so true!! i wish i learned it awhile ago instead of recently!

 

I feel exactly the same way. I don't really care any more, go get buttfucked by a neanderthal. Just stop complaining to me about it, complain to me about other shit like politics, religion, the fact that the Steelers can't get a fair shake in the NFL, or that I want to be an actor/writer but I have to move away because there are such slim pickings where I'm from. I have other things going on in my life other than the punk motherfuckers that you deal with.

 

For real. You know the most annoying thing is hearing them lie about the dude though.

They'll say shit like "Oh he's a player. Oh he's a dick. Oh he's an asshole." No, he is a douche. That is what he is and that is all he is. He is none of those things so stop giving him credit he doesn't deserve!

Steelers fan? Here's hoping we have a Keystone State Superbowl. I'm on the other side of the Susquehanna.

There's a lot of things I wish I learned before instead of recently. I had a friend who even tried to teach it to me back then and I just didn't get it. Better late than never though

And BKG, there is a such thing as true love. You'll find it someday if you're ready for it and know what to look for in a guy/relationship.

 

Exactly, I think what I'm going to do is become a famous actor/writer then move to the islands of Brazil to find a woman. If not, I'm going to Tibet to repair my soul.

Eagle fan, eh? I can dig it, although Goodell doesn't want to see a battle of #7's with Big Ben and the Soul Brother Michael Vick but I'll see you in Dallas, friend.

Also, BisexualKinkyGirl. I agree with baller16, there is true love but you can't find it with anyone else, darling', unless you have it with yourself first.

 

Not sure how this works. Even if you are the one who initiated the conversations all the time or most of the time, if she usually keeps the conversations going, does that not mean she is at least somewhat attracted to you as well? If she is not attracted to you at all, why does she even make efforts to keep the conversations going instead of keeping herself out of the conversation?

 

You should be able to tell how important you are to somebody by how the conversation "feels" too. If you initiate it most often but she keeps it going, how does she keep it going? Is it like pulling teeth where it drags on, does it go in short spurts and then pauses, or does it keep free-flowing and feel natural?

 

How exactly, am I lying or being fake?

 

Although my comments are general, I do have my own experience to refer to. I have a coworker that belongs to a different work unit from mine. However, we do have very frequent interactions through work. Honestly, I don't recall any incidence where she initiated a non-work related conversation or topic, but whenever I initiated such a topic, she would not be hesitant to join the conversation. I understand your point on the nature of our conversations and I am pretty sure that our conversations have been very smooth and nature, with very rare but short pauses. She is intellectually very sound so I don't think that she is just for the conversations or out of loneliness considering that 1) she is very busy with her work, 2) most of our conversations were ridiculously long, and 3) she does not have similar conversations with any other coworkers, male or female. So I have to assume that I am somewhat important to her or at least she has been enjoying the conversation. However, the cruel reality is that all of her other behaviors strongly suggest that she is not physically/sexually attracted to me at all. For example, she has plenty chances to initiate contact/conversations with me through work but she consistently chose not to. She has been exclusively dating guys of her ethnic group/religious group/age group that I don't belong. With all being said, there is a very slim possibility that she has been trying to hold it back due to her strong and different religious belief (I belong to a different religion but she knows that I am not that religious anyway) and the fact that I am officially still a married man (before I realized that I was physically attracted to her, she already knew that my current marriage would end in a couple of years). Honestly, even though I am very attracted to her, I am not selfish enough or unmoral enough to try to establish an intimate relationship with her since I truly believe that she is out of my league for many reasons. Therefore, my serious concern is that if for some strange reasons she is somehow unexpectedly attracted to me but only holds her back intentionally due to her strong religion and high morality, my presence may waste her opportunities of finding her real soul mate. I have been deliberating for a couple of months now on whether I should make it clear to her that although I am very attracted to her, out of respect and knowing that I don't belong to her league, I have no interest, and would feel very guilty of developing an intimate relationship with her either now or after my anticipated divorce, regardless how she feels about me. In other words, I would rather maintain the current friendship even if I am not sure whether it has been built from a normal foundation. With this thinking, I have already gradually minimized our non-work related conversations. Obviously, if I speak out my mind and if she is not physically attracted to me at all, there is a high risk of ruining our current friendship. By the way, we are at the same skill level at work so i don't have any power that could lead her to join our conversations reluctantly.

Again my point is that although in principle what you stated make lots of sense, there are many more complicated occasions that we all need to be aware of. I still believe that if somebody is willing to join somewhat unnecessary conversations consistently even if he or she never initiates similar conversations, such a behavior may not be disregarded without further evidence or explorations. I am obviously new to this forum, so if my response somehow hijacked the thread, I apologize sincerely.

 

There's too many ways to name. Some other time.

I get exactly what you're saying now, and I agree that you can't dismiss it without further evidence.

I really can't give you advice on that one because it is a very complicated situation that I have never experienced myself. Me personally, I've always felt it best to establish whether I'm friends with a girl, whether there's interest or not, etc, have everything be understood that way things like this don't happen. But that's just me, and having never been in your situation before I can't tell you anything that you should trust.


I can help single guys because I am one and have been in their position before but that's really it.

 

getting out of the friend zone is easy...hit woman over head, drag her back to cave, the end.

 

I used to have good friend that was married and had kids with his wife,,, but it seemed when ever me and his wife got alone,,, she wanted to kiss and make out with me,,, And she was fine,,, but it never went any further,,, BUT I would have loved it , if it had... :excited:

 

I don't think so, you're full of it. You're engaged in this smear campaign against me, but you can't even elaborate on the simplest question I ask about your insults.

Maybe that's because they're all baseless, and founded on your insecurity, nothing more.

A girl does not have to initiate the conversation with you to show that she is interested. You should be able to start a conversation with her and read her reactions to determine whether or not she is actually interested.

Obviously if a girl comes up and talks to you, she is interested in talking, that's just common sense. That does not mean that her neglecting to initiate a conversation indicates that she is not interested.

This idea that you should wait until a girl comes and talks to you is completely delusional. Men are the aggressors, we put our asses on the line, that's the way it goes.

 

You're not now nor will you ever be a man.

Don't ever try to school me on anything, kid. You're nothing but another douche on the internet who wants to think he's a player. You're not only arguing with me. You're arguing with true players everywhere, real men, people who are something you will never be.

You are most definitely fake.

 

More baseless, meaningless insults and nothing of any substance.

I see now why all the long term users on here say you're a sociopath.

 

The same reason you continue with all of this bullshit.

Because both you and them are douches on the internet.

 

Yes, I and all the other people on here (basically all of the well known users) are douches, you're just this perfect, womanizing specimen of a man.

Yet you're single, go figure.

You're the one that is fake here, pretending to have all this knowledge of women when really you're spouting nothing but contradictions and common sense with a level of comprehension that is on par with a 13-15 year old.